Every year, February 14 is celebrated as Saint Valentine's Day all across the world. Valentine’s Day is the most awaited day of the year for all youngsters. Even though the history of St. Valentine’s Day and the patron Saint behind it is shrouded in mystery but we treat the month of February as the Month of Romance. This day involves mutual exchange of flowers, gifts, candies, e-cards, sending love messages and much more all in the name of St. Valentine, the patron saint of lovers.
How do you define love? Even very educated and brilliant people have a difficult time defining love. It's a very complicated thing!
Throughout the history of mankind, we as a world culture have made love out to be mysterious, complex, difficult, and undefinable. It’s the subject of endless poems and literary works. There is an enormous amount of material available out there about love, a lot of it contradictory.
We’ve been given the impression that to define love is near to impossible. Maybe there’s a fear that if we define it, it would somehow be less powerful...less impactful...less exhilarating. But is it really that complicated? Perhaps the complications surrounding love come from all “stuff” we add on to this powerful emotion. Lets drop all the baggage surrounding relationships and define what it is we are experiencing in the moment of love.
Love is both an action and a feeling.
Love is patient, love is kind. It has no envy.
Love uplifts, love empowers. It is joyful.
Love is unconditional. It expects nothing in return.
It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Where there is love there are no barriers, no avoidance, no expectation.
You can learn to love others.
You just need to focus on the goodness of the other person.
Love is about letting others be and accepting them for who they are.
Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.
Where love is, no room is too small.
Loves makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.
Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever.
Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.
In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man's worth.
Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
While there are many definitions of love, Robert J. Sternberg, an American psychologist and psychometrician came up with a Triangular Theory of Love. The underlying idea of this theory is that love can be dissected into three main parts: intimacy, passion and decision/commitment.
You are fortunate if your relationship features strong aspects of each of these, but Sternberg advises us that the emphasis of each of these components changes over time.
Passion
Passion is typically strongest in the beginning of a relationship and eases away over time. Think of newlyweds, young lovers and those in the early stages of a romance. While we all know a older couple who are constantly holding hands, they probably won't be tackling each other after a separation as a younger couple might do.
Intimacy
Emotional intimacy develops over time. It helps the union of a couple deepen as they find that they can trust and rely on each other. A healthy level of emotional intimacy is necessary for achieving satisfying sexual or physical intimacy. Marriage counselors report that most couples that come in for sexuality counseling need help in the intimacy department. Likewise, most couples that come in for marriage counseling are usually having problems with sexuality.
Commitment
Sternberg's third component of love is commitment. Commitment may begin with a promise, a ring or a ceremony. But in long lasting romances, commitment will increase regardless of the state of the couples passion or intimacy.
Happy Valentine's Day. Remember, in everything you strive for, who you want to be, what you want to do, what you want to accomplish – ask yourself this question – “am I doing this with love?”
Toyin Olaleye
Source:
Cavahaugh, J.C., Kail, R.V., (2007). Human Development. Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth
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