Responsibility is not only the ability to respond to what comes towards us, it is also the capacity to stand behind our actions and to be responsible for all that we do, or do not do. This means that we do not allow ourselves to be in denial, or to be self-indulgent. Our ability to respond impeccably to the circumstances at hand, and with integrity to the events we create brings us into the arena of effective leadership.
This aspect of responsibility is discipline. Discipline is the process of facing life directly and acting without haste. The word discipline actually means “being a disciple unto oneself.” When we are disciples unto ourselves, we honour our own rhythm, ask for help that is needed, and consistently attend to the actions needed, in a step-by-step way. We are most likely to be thrown off course when we have too much to do, or too little to do. These times should act as reminders to engage discipline, to move not rashly, but step-by-step.
Discipline and responsibility are the leadership tools for honouring structure and function. Land-based peoples know that too much structure or form leads to rigidity and calcification, and too much function or random creativity leads to chaos. Thomas Cleary’s Zen Lessons: the Art of Leadership reminds us that if we do not adhere to the “three don’ts of leadership” we will not only be irresponsible, but we will dishonour the processes of discipline found in all structures and functions:
“In leadership, there are three don’ts:
1. When there is much to do, don’t be afraid;
2. When there is nothing to do, don’t be hasty; and
3. Don’t talk about opinions of right or wrong when action can be taken.
A leader who succeeds in these things won’t be confused or deluded by external objects and circumstances.”
When we apply the guidelines of the “three don’ts” in our lives, we honour the inherent aspects of structure and function by instilling discipline and responsibility into all that we do or steward in our lives.
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
Monday, 14 February 2011
What Is Love?
Every year, February 14 is celebrated as Saint Valentine's Day all across the world. Valentine’s Day is the most awaited day of the year for all youngsters. Even though the history of St. Valentine’s Day and the patron Saint behind it is shrouded in mystery but we treat the month of February as the Month of Romance. This day involves mutual exchange of flowers, gifts, candies, e-cards, sending love messages and much more all in the name of St. Valentine, the patron saint of lovers.
How do you define love? Even very educated and brilliant people have a difficult time defining love. It's a very complicated thing!
Throughout the history of mankind, we as a world culture have made love out to be mysterious, complex, difficult, and undefinable. It’s the subject of endless poems and literary works. There is an enormous amount of material available out there about love, a lot of it contradictory.
We’ve been given the impression that to define love is near to impossible. Maybe there’s a fear that if we define it, it would somehow be less powerful...less impactful...less exhilarating. But is it really that complicated? Perhaps the complications surrounding love come from all “stuff” we add on to this powerful emotion. Lets drop all the baggage surrounding relationships and define what it is we are experiencing in the moment of love.
Love is both an action and a feeling.
Love is patient, love is kind. It has no envy.
Love uplifts, love empowers. It is joyful.
Love is unconditional. It expects nothing in return.
It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Where there is love there are no barriers, no avoidance, no expectation.
You can learn to love others.
You just need to focus on the goodness of the other person.
Love is about letting others be and accepting them for who they are.
Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.
Where love is, no room is too small.
Loves makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.
Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever.
Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.
In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man's worth.
Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
While there are many definitions of love, Robert J. Sternberg, an American psychologist and psychometrician came up with a Triangular Theory of Love. The underlying idea of this theory is that love can be dissected into three main parts: intimacy, passion and decision/commitment.
You are fortunate if your relationship features strong aspects of each of these, but Sternberg advises us that the emphasis of each of these components changes over time.
Passion
Passion is typically strongest in the beginning of a relationship and eases away over time. Think of newlyweds, young lovers and those in the early stages of a romance. While we all know a older couple who are constantly holding hands, they probably won't be tackling each other after a separation as a younger couple might do.
Intimacy
Emotional intimacy develops over time. It helps the union of a couple deepen as they find that they can trust and rely on each other. A healthy level of emotional intimacy is necessary for achieving satisfying sexual or physical intimacy. Marriage counselors report that most couples that come in for sexuality counseling need help in the intimacy department. Likewise, most couples that come in for marriage counseling are usually having problems with sexuality.
Commitment
Sternberg's third component of love is commitment. Commitment may begin with a promise, a ring or a ceremony. But in long lasting romances, commitment will increase regardless of the state of the couples passion or intimacy.
Happy Valentine's Day. Remember, in everything you strive for, who you want to be, what you want to do, what you want to accomplish – ask yourself this question – “am I doing this with love?”
Toyin Olaleye
Source:
Cavahaugh, J.C., Kail, R.V., (2007). Human Development. Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth
How do you define love? Even very educated and brilliant people have a difficult time defining love. It's a very complicated thing!
Throughout the history of mankind, we as a world culture have made love out to be mysterious, complex, difficult, and undefinable. It’s the subject of endless poems and literary works. There is an enormous amount of material available out there about love, a lot of it contradictory.
We’ve been given the impression that to define love is near to impossible. Maybe there’s a fear that if we define it, it would somehow be less powerful...less impactful...less exhilarating. But is it really that complicated? Perhaps the complications surrounding love come from all “stuff” we add on to this powerful emotion. Lets drop all the baggage surrounding relationships and define what it is we are experiencing in the moment of love.
Love is both an action and a feeling.
Love is patient, love is kind. It has no envy.
Love uplifts, love empowers. It is joyful.
Love is unconditional. It expects nothing in return.
It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Where there is love there are no barriers, no avoidance, no expectation.
You can learn to love others.
You just need to focus on the goodness of the other person.
Love is about letting others be and accepting them for who they are.
Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.
Where love is, no room is too small.
Loves makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.
Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever.
Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.
In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man's worth.
Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
While there are many definitions of love, Robert J. Sternberg, an American psychologist and psychometrician came up with a Triangular Theory of Love. The underlying idea of this theory is that love can be dissected into three main parts: intimacy, passion and decision/commitment.
You are fortunate if your relationship features strong aspects of each of these, but Sternberg advises us that the emphasis of each of these components changes over time.
Passion
Passion is typically strongest in the beginning of a relationship and eases away over time. Think of newlyweds, young lovers and those in the early stages of a romance. While we all know a older couple who are constantly holding hands, they probably won't be tackling each other after a separation as a younger couple might do.
Intimacy
Emotional intimacy develops over time. It helps the union of a couple deepen as they find that they can trust and rely on each other. A healthy level of emotional intimacy is necessary for achieving satisfying sexual or physical intimacy. Marriage counselors report that most couples that come in for sexuality counseling need help in the intimacy department. Likewise, most couples that come in for marriage counseling are usually having problems with sexuality.
Commitment
Sternberg's third component of love is commitment. Commitment may begin with a promise, a ring or a ceremony. But in long lasting romances, commitment will increase regardless of the state of the couples passion or intimacy.
Happy Valentine's Day. Remember, in everything you strive for, who you want to be, what you want to do, what you want to accomplish – ask yourself this question – “am I doing this with love?”
Toyin Olaleye
Source:
Cavahaugh, J.C., Kail, R.V., (2007). Human Development. Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth
Love Economics 101: Choice & Cost - Accountability in Matters of Heart & Head
Today, 14th February, is perhaps a good day to share a few thoughts about LOVE.
Rather than dwell on the passion and emotion of Love; I’d rather talk about the ECONOMICS of LOVE!
We all are familiar with economic terms like; scarcity, choice, opportunity cost and scale of preference in basic economics. These terms also manifest in the business of relationships and matters of the heart. Unfortunately, most
people do not use logic or their head when considering matters of the heart. This is rather unfortunate, because the heart and the head are complementary. Infact, God made us in 3-dimension (some may argue 4-dimension, when you add the Spirit), but I will stop at 3-dimension for the purpose of this exercise: BODY, MIND & HEART!
Most people are easily attracted and lured into relationships by nice bodily features. Now, beyond the physical attraction, shouldn’t we do some evaluation; bothering on choice and cost, particularly when you consider what our immediate preoccupation or responsibility should be. What am I suppose to deliver by this month-end, end of quarter or end of year? We must always focus on our goals. Hoping that we have applied scale of preference to our desires, wants and needs. Your magnificent obsession (most important) goal should help you order/arrange your priorities.
“Man has life and death before him; whichever a man likes better, will be given him”. – Book of Ecclesiasticus (Power to choose, and get rewarded for that which you choose/accountability)
When you have properly ordered your wants or priorities, you will then need to make some trade-offs. The moment you choose ‘A’, you may have to forgo or defer ‘B’. Choice has an implicit Cost. Now don’t get me wrong; A and B may not be mutually exclusive, but it may be dangerous to combine the two at the same time. You need the LAW and WISDOM to guide you.
“We have a wisdom to offer those who have reached maturity: not a philosophy of our age” – St Paul to the Corinthians. (Eternal Truth will endure than contemporary hype/fashion
In business, careers and relationships, there are trade-offs and most times we need judgment and experience to guide us. It is dangerous to get advice or guidance from your colleague or class mate. Remember, what is ‘fashionable’ may not be ‘wise’. It is for this reason that some people have mentors and counsellor or coaches. It’s amazing when a boy in SS2 decides to help a young JSS2 girl to understand the menstrual cycle all in a scheme to have cheap sex and avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy. After all, “I love you and what’s the benefit of our relationship?” Even parents with many years of licensed sex still record errors in the game plan of having the pleasure of sex without the pain of parenting.
“Do not imagine that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets. I have come not to abolish but to complete them.” (No Contradiction, one comes before the other; complementary)
I started riding motorbikes and driving cars before the legal driving age, but I know all the risks I experienced. Don’t get me wrong, please!. Young people will try and attempt all the pleasures of life as they grow up. We allow our heart and body to lead us into relationships with cigarettes, driving and the opposite sex, without using our head or considering the cost of our choice and what the law permits.
“For I tell you, if your virtue goes no deeper than that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never get into the kingdom of heaven.” - Gospel according to Matthew. (Excellence/Standards)
The danger with playing games as adolescent is that we often have cheap standards in our haste to experience that which we will have full liberty to enjoy, with little or no risks, later on in life. We play beyond our installed capacity for risk management. Imagine driving a friend’s car and crashing it. Or drinking ‘free’ champagne at a party, only to get intoxicated beyond your capacity. Or smoking and becoming addicted. Or having unprotected sex and ending up with STD or some little baby! Now, what happens is that your fun and progress is cut short. You may never be able to become that great star, who had lots of promise of a great career and a great family life! You miss the kingdom of heaven!
“If your right hand should cause you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; for it will do you less harm to lose one part of you than to have your whole body go to hell. - Gospel according to Matthew (Priority, Choice & Opportunity Cost)
There are no mid points with success or relationships. You are either growing or failing. You cannot be facing east and west at the same time. We need the discipline to decide and choose one direction or goal at a time. It’s a simple economic truth; in life, careers and relationships.
Happy Val’s day.
Paul Olaleye.
Rather than dwell on the passion and emotion of Love; I’d rather talk about the ECONOMICS of LOVE!
We all are familiar with economic terms like; scarcity, choice, opportunity cost and scale of preference in basic economics. These terms also manifest in the business of relationships and matters of the heart. Unfortunately, most
people do not use logic or their head when considering matters of the heart. This is rather unfortunate, because the heart and the head are complementary. Infact, God made us in 3-dimension (some may argue 4-dimension, when you add the Spirit), but I will stop at 3-dimension for the purpose of this exercise: BODY, MIND & HEART!
Most people are easily attracted and lured into relationships by nice bodily features. Now, beyond the physical attraction, shouldn’t we do some evaluation; bothering on choice and cost, particularly when you consider what our immediate preoccupation or responsibility should be. What am I suppose to deliver by this month-end, end of quarter or end of year? We must always focus on our goals. Hoping that we have applied scale of preference to our desires, wants and needs. Your magnificent obsession (most important) goal should help you order/arrange your priorities.
“Man has life and death before him; whichever a man likes better, will be given him”. – Book of Ecclesiasticus (Power to choose, and get rewarded for that which you choose/accountability)
When you have properly ordered your wants or priorities, you will then need to make some trade-offs. The moment you choose ‘A’, you may have to forgo or defer ‘B’. Choice has an implicit Cost. Now don’t get me wrong; A and B may not be mutually exclusive, but it may be dangerous to combine the two at the same time. You need the LAW and WISDOM to guide you.
“We have a wisdom to offer those who have reached maturity: not a philosophy of our age” – St Paul to the Corinthians. (Eternal Truth will endure than contemporary hype/fashion
In business, careers and relationships, there are trade-offs and most times we need judgment and experience to guide us. It is dangerous to get advice or guidance from your colleague or class mate. Remember, what is ‘fashionable’ may not be ‘wise’. It is for this reason that some people have mentors and counsellor or coaches. It’s amazing when a boy in SS2 decides to help a young JSS2 girl to understand the menstrual cycle all in a scheme to have cheap sex and avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy. After all, “I love you and what’s the benefit of our relationship?” Even parents with many years of licensed sex still record errors in the game plan of having the pleasure of sex without the pain of parenting.
“Do not imagine that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets. I have come not to abolish but to complete them.” (No Contradiction, one comes before the other; complementary)
I started riding motorbikes and driving cars before the legal driving age, but I know all the risks I experienced. Don’t get me wrong, please!. Young people will try and attempt all the pleasures of life as they grow up. We allow our heart and body to lead us into relationships with cigarettes, driving and the opposite sex, without using our head or considering the cost of our choice and what the law permits.
“For I tell you, if your virtue goes no deeper than that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never get into the kingdom of heaven.” - Gospel according to Matthew. (Excellence/Standards)
The danger with playing games as adolescent is that we often have cheap standards in our haste to experience that which we will have full liberty to enjoy, with little or no risks, later on in life. We play beyond our installed capacity for risk management. Imagine driving a friend’s car and crashing it. Or drinking ‘free’ champagne at a party, only to get intoxicated beyond your capacity. Or smoking and becoming addicted. Or having unprotected sex and ending up with STD or some little baby! Now, what happens is that your fun and progress is cut short. You may never be able to become that great star, who had lots of promise of a great career and a great family life! You miss the kingdom of heaven!
“If your right hand should cause you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; for it will do you less harm to lose one part of you than to have your whole body go to hell. - Gospel according to Matthew (Priority, Choice & Opportunity Cost)
There are no mid points with success or relationships. You are either growing or failing. You cannot be facing east and west at the same time. We need the discipline to decide and choose one direction or goal at a time. It’s a simple economic truth; in life, careers and relationships.
Happy Val’s day.
Paul Olaleye.
Thursday, 6 January 2011
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Friday, 12 November 2010
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Friday, 5 November 2010
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Saturday, 9 October 2010
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
Thursday, 22 July 2010
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